Friends

Talk about having friends.

I do have friends but not close friends.

I wanna have some close friends but my inner thought said it is too late to make them.

I do have jealousy to any of my friends who have close friends.

But,

I do have a partner.

That is willing to hear all my stories, be there whenever I need someone to talk to and in the other words — he is my close friend.

Somehow I feel guilty for him because of my too much dependency on him.

He has friends and close friends.

He also hang out with them often.

And sometimes he is willing to not hang out with his friends because of I want him on that time.

There is few time where he 'terasa' with me for the unable friends' meeting and he urges me to make close friends as soon as possible because he cannot be with me everytime!

And yeah, tbh I do agree with him.

I do not know why, but I do not find any friends that close to my type & same way of thinking.

Sometimes I also thought that I might burden others because of my 'keinginan²'.

Maybe Asma'. But she has her other friends too.

However, I enjoy my loneliness because I can do what I want.

And the joy of loneliness can turn me into low common sense people.

I think there are pros and cons when you are in friendship surrounding.

And if anyone asks me 'do you want to make friends and have a close friend?'

My answer is — Yes, i want. I want to hug, cry with someone that understand me like Aida. If only I can turn back time again... and find way to make more friends ;)